As a pediatrician at Nicklaus Children's Hospital, I have recently seen a rise in parents with behavioral concerns about their younger children. These can range from children acting out, to not listening or following directions either at home, school or both.

Trends in Kids' Behavior

According to the American Psychological Association, several factors may be contributing to concerns about kids' mental health and behavior. The rise in screen-based technology, of course, is a contributing factor, as is the consumption of social media or video games on those screens as kids get older. Add in the lingering effects of the pandemic and concerning political or social factors, and it's understandable why feelings of sadness, hopelessness and behaviors concerns are on the rise.

While technology has impacted the modern lives of our kids, some of the behavioral problems that kids face are hardly a new phenomenon. After all, young kids are still learning how they should behave and pushing the boundaries of what that looks like, notes the American Academy of Pediatrics. Considering that, they are constantly looking to their parents for guidance on how they should be behaving and modifying (or not modifying) their behavior accordingly based on how their parents react.

In that respect, guiding behavior, communicating and disciplining children is not so much different now than it was a few decades ago, despite all the new technologies available to our children. Parents can take solace in the fact that many of the age-old tips for shaping and managing kids' behavior still hold true today. Here are some of the strategies that I recommend for parents.

Modeling Good Behavior

Rather than focusing on disciplining away bad behavior, a good way for parents to approach these issues when their kids are young is modeling good behavior. One important step in this is not just paying attention to your kids when they act out. This is a common trap that parents can fall into, as it leads to kids acting out more just to get more attention.

Instead, parents can flip this paradigm by giving their kids more positive attention in several ways:

• Give praise. Make sure to notice and call out when your kids are behaving well, not just when they act out. Even saying something so simple as, “You're doing a good job playing quietly” can go a long way.
• Reach out and touch them. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that “50 to 100 brief loving touches” are recommended each day to let your kids know that you're thinking about them and appreciate them: you're not just there to provide discipline.
• Communicate correctly. Parents can go a long way in modeling good behavior by communicating calmly and clearly with kids. Sure, this can be challenging at times, but saying quietly, “I am frustrated by the noise. I need quiet time to get my work done.” can go a lot further than “Be quiet! I'm trying to work!” This also teaches your kids how to communicate clearly and calmly with you.
• Provide age-appropriate chores. As kids get older, some behavioral issues may boil down to boredom leading to acting out. One way to eliminate this boredom and entitlement is to introduce chores as part of the daily routine at an early age. Even as young as 5, kids can help with making their beds, assisting with meals, and cleaning their rooms. By establishing this as part of the routine early, it also lets kids know that they are an integral part of the family unit.

Age-Appropriate Discipline

Of course, we all know that even with all these steps, acting out and behavioral problems is still part of growing up. Even with discipline, however, parents can model good behavior by clearly and calmly setting the expectations for behavior and then outlining the consequences when those behaviors aren't followed.

For example, if fighting or yelling leads to a loss of the tablet for the evening, you need to stick with it. You should hear your child out, of course, and make sure they are heard, but then you must calmly explain and adhere to the consequence if it's going to make a difference in behavior.

In some cases, this may lead to your child receiving an age-appropriate timeout. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that it's best to modify the timing of the timeout to have the most impact for your child. For example, this can be 2 minutes for a 2-year-old or 5 minutes for a 5-year-old, etc. Adjusting the timing based on age ensures that the timeout will have the maximum impact without overdoing it for your child. If your child is at least 3 years old, you can even give your child the option to lead their time-out and return from time-out when they feel ready, which allows them to practice their self-management skills. And of course, don't forget to include positive praise and communication around good behavior when warranted.

Handling Technology

The good thing about all these strategies is they work along with the challenges of modern technology. When it comes to items like tablets, video games or TVs, of course, limiting screen time each day is always a good idea, regardless of your kids' behavior. Other things you can do is make screen time more interactive, such as playing trivia games together, watching an educational show and talking about it, or other joint activities that ensure your kids aren't completely isolated during screen time.

Talk to Your Pediatrician

Parents are always encouraged to discuss any behavioral concerns with their pediatrician, especially if they are excessive, alarming or impacting their performance in school. But remember that parenting is a constant challenge, and kids are constantly testing the waters of what they can and can't get away with. Hopefully some of the strategies discussed here can help make a difference in your kids' daily behaviors.